Moving day finally came last week. We’ve been in the process of moving for the last several days and are nowhere near settled into the new house. There are just a lot of things still left to do. It’s liveable but messy.
Meanwhile, I left on a jetplane early this morning headed to Colorado for four days to attend the Captivating retreat.
If you aren’t familiar, it’s hosted by Stasi Eldredge, who wrote Captivating, Becoming Myself and other books. It was a monumental task to make our house semi-functional, prepare meals and clothes and do all the things mommies do before they leave town.
Packing was fun when I couldn’t find half of what I was looking for, but I finally managed to scrape together enough clothes to last me approximately two weeks, because options, people. Women need options. It might be hot, cold, warm; I might feel cute or want pure comfort or not give a rip at all. And that requires options.
I’m now sitting at the airport waiting until it’s time to board the shuttle. I’m debating whether to heed the advice to drink lots of water! considering I have a two hour drive ahead. High altitudes are complicated.
Aside from all that I am really looking forward to this weekend. I was nervous at one point when it occurred to me that I am going alone and there will be mealtimes and tables to sit at and oh my gosh this is just like junior high all over again who will I sit with?? But then this morning, apparently, I was hit with the chatty stick and have been chatting it up with random people all morning, so I think I’ll survive.
One of the main things Stasi Eldredge talks to women about is the core need to feel beautiful. When I first heard her say that years ago, I was like, nah…I don’t think I feel that. But it’s been revealed to me recently that it’s the deepest need of my heart. It’s not external beauty I’m after. It’s internal, and the question I find I ask people (subconsciously, of course) is, “Do you think I’m beautiful inside? Can you see the beauty in here, despite the ugly that isn’t fixed yet? Am I valuable?”
I don’t typically feel I’m answered with a resounding, “Yes!” The problem is that the primary person I need to hear it from is my heavenly Father, who made me to be this person that I am, quirks and all. And I actually can hear Him say that. The problem is that I sometimes can’t see Him around the people in my world. Which means someone else has been in God’s place. Which is basically idolatry.
So, the answer, of course, is to scoot those people and their opinions down off their pedestals and see to it that the Father’s voice is the one I listen to first. Nobody else has the right to tell me who I am or how I am, no matter who that person is. He knows me, sees me, loves me perfectly and is totally trustworthy with my heart.
So…off I go to spend some time with Him.