We’ve been in our new house for almost two months now and a few weeks ago I set up My Spot in what would be the dining room. I wanted a place that was kind of my own, to go sit quietly and drink coffee and stare out the window. A place to read and study the Bible and a place to sit and write.
So far I have sat, drank coffee, stared out the window, and read and studied the Bible. I haven’t written quite so much. In fact, I find myself almost tiptoeing past My Spot when I feel the urge to sit down and write down my thoughts.
It isn’t that I don’t feel a calling to do it or even that I don’t want to do it. So, what is it? Why am I sneaking past my writing table like it’s the headmaster and I’m cutting class?
Well, partly I’m still processing through what I want to say and how I want to say it. I have so much in my head and heart and I want to say it the right way. Not the perfect way, but the way God would have me say it – in a way that’s helpful, true, honest and in love.
The other part, though, is that I still wrestle with feelings of inadequacy. I still wonder what in the world I really have to offer. I can still get hung up in comparing what I feel called to do with what others are doing.
If someone can do what I’m doing and do it better, why should I bother? Will people think I’m just an overly-sensitive whiner? I’m not a great writer, either, and I wonder if people will think I believe otherwise or be critical of the way I communicate.
Those kinds of things run through my head. And from what I’ve read from other writers and bloggers, those thoughts run through their heads, too. I think it’s common to anyone who puts anything they have created out for public criticism and judgment, no matter what it is.
The big question behind all of those feelings is this one – it’s the one that I have literally heard in whispered tones in the back of my mind since I was very young:
Who do you think you are?
It’s a question we all must answer. It’s the question I’m answering and will be answering until I see my Creator face to face.
Who do you think you are?
I actually think this is a valid question. Though it comes in an accusing voice, we can take it in another direction if we choose to take charge of it. We don’t have to let the enemy back us into a corner, though many times I have.
We have the opportunity to explore who we think we are and why. Who or what has defined us? Is it words spoken by other people? Is it failure? Is it success? Is it experience? Is it money? Is it work? What defines you and me?
Once we begin to see what we allow to define us and name us, we can begin to apply truth to those places. Seek God to answer the big question.
Who does He say you are?
For instance, in Christ, you most definitely are not a failure, but rather you have the same power that resurrected Christ Jesus from the grave living inside of you. You also are called holy and blameless. You are considered righteous. You have a new name and a new nature. You are delightful and loved. You have a purpose and there are good works He has prepared for you.
He means for good to be brought forth out of your pain. He wants you to smile again, not because of your circumstances, but because you have deep joy and trust in Him and where He is taking you. He wants a deep, soul rest for your heart.
Walking fully in all of the above truths is a process. We get frustrated when we don’t see it happening, but it’s something we will grow into as we continue to pursue Him.
It’s the process of becoming who you already are. It’s a bit like a newborn baby. A newborn is fully human from the moment it is conceived. It has everything it needs to become an adult that walks and talks and eats and feeds itself and wipes it’s own rear end, but it doesn’t start that way.
It’s fully human but not fully formed.
Neither are we, as followers of Christ, fully formed but we are being formed and fashioned to one day walk in the fullness of His ways and His likeness. It is coming.
I had no idea where I was going with this when I began this post, but now that I’ve preached a sermon to myself I guess I am left without any excuse. I still desire to wait for the right words to come in the most honoring way, but I can’t avoid writing because of fear or insecurity.
There are some who would say I have no business writing until I work through all my issues, but I think that would be giving in to fear. For me courage and faith require stepping out despite insecure thoughts that come my way.
What does faith and courage look like for you? I’d be willing to bet money that there is something you not only want to do, but feel called to do, that you are a little afraid of. What is it?