Photo cred: Owenandfred.com

I think I’ve finally figured something out.

In the process of letting go of comparison and bearing the burden of the expectations of others, I’ve found the freedom to be myself. As I’ve become more “me,” my relationships have improved. 

When I lived under a black cloud of failure (and it certainly did feel dark and oppressive) I was miserable. When I was focused on trying to please people, especially my own husband, I was always aware of how I fell short. It’s hard to never feel like it’s enough.

And that was a burden I picked up myself – he didn’t put that on me.  

We only carry the things we choose to carry. That’s when the freedom comes – when we realize we can set certain burdens down. We can’t make anyone happy, we can’t please everybody and some people won’t like us or understand us. That’s the normal human experience.

The thing I’ve noticed is that, though I’m the same person, with the same shortcomings – I still forget about the laundry, I still get moody, I still haven’t gotten a grip on meal planning – our relationship has grown. And I don’t want to put words in my dear husband’s mouth, but I think he finds me more attractive.

I know it’s true: there’s something attractive about a person who is comfortable in their own skin. I don’t mean in the inappropriate, in-your-face, I’m-gonna-be-me-so-forget-you kind of way, but in the easygoing kind of way. 

It has made me more open-hearted and freed me to love better. Not perfectly, still, but better. 

I have purple streaks in my hair, I smile more, I’m more at peace and I’m more friendly. I’d still like to grow and improve in many ways, no doubt, but they don’t crush me any longer. Basically I’m becoming less self-conscious and {gulp} self-centered. 

The real secret to all of the above is this: I’ve determined that there’s only one opinion that really matters. My only goal is to stand before God the Father in good conscience. When I miss the mark I agree with Him and ask Him to work in me to change me. Then I trust Him to do it. The end.

That’s a really good feeling. I can breathe again. I only wish I’d figured this out a long time ago.