A quick thought at bedtime…

I’ve noticed that I have this struggle. On the one hand I’ve spent years trying to shed labels people have given me (mostly negative ones, obviously). My desire is not to live according to labels or comparisons with others.

At the same time, I’m spinning my wheels and burning mental energy trying to figure out what I’m good at. Is there any area in which I excel? And I come up empty and frustrated because I don’t have that one thing.

I think about it this way:

When I die people will say, wow she was a really great _______________.

We’ll miss her _______________.

And I can’t think of one thing to fill in. It has frustrated me for years. I know many people who are amazing at particular things, but I’m just kind of okay at a few things. Some days I feel like I’m not cutting it in any area – as a mom, wife, homemaker, friend, etc.

What’s funny is that I realized that I was frustrated because I don’t have a label. So, while I say I’m shedding labels, and refusing to be defined that way, here I am trying to find another label – something to let me know I’m doing okay or making a positive mark.

I can’t choose not to let others define me in the negative sense, and then give them permission in the positive. It’s not secure on either side. Only God can truly define me. Even Paul said,

But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.

We ourselves, and certainly other people, can’t know for sure our own motives. We are likely succeeding in ways we can’t see and failing in other ways to which we are blind.

This thing is a crazy cycle, sometimes. It’s hard to just be and take one day at a time, one moment at a time. It’s a battle to be content with the process.

I share this because I’m certain I’m not the only one who feels mediocre sometimes. I don’t know if that’s all bad, either. Many of the ways we love and serve people well are small and repetitive. They add up over years.

We live in a world that says everything has to be extraordinary and spectacular and a lot of times life is just normal.

And that’s okay. Normal is beautiful. Basic is nice, right?

It helps us stay humble.