I’ve been thinking. And questioning myself. Should I be writing here about the middle part of my journey? Should I be writing in the midst of brokenness?
There’s kind of a “rule” I’ve heard when it comes to writing about our struggles. The rule is that you don’t write when you’re still in it. You wait until you’re through it and then share your neatly wrapped testimony.
I get why they [whoever they is. Or are.] say that. You don’t have the perspective you will have when you get to the other side. And you might say some messed up stuff. Or have the wrong motive.
And sometimes, due to circumstances, you have to keep things quiet.
But, I’m not really following any of the rules of blogging around here. I don’t post on a schedule. I don’t have a single topic, or focus. Well, I’d argue I do, it’s just very broad – and broad isn’t what you’re supposed to do.
I’ve wondered if I should shut up until I’m through this difficulty; wondered if I’ve done something wrong.
Do I have any business writing for you to read if I’m kind of messed up?
But here’s the deal. I’m not looking for sympathy when I write [I don’t think – God only knows the deepest motivations]. I don’t want your pity. I’m simply sharing experiences in order to relate. And, to be honest, it helps me when I put things into words this way.
I feel called to share things that I sometimes feel embarrassed about. Why?
I can’t say for sure, but I feel like it’s about sharing a journey that isn’t complete, that’s messy, that’s in progress, but is one in which I’m still loved and cherished and being empowered by God.
And, while neatly wrapped up testimonies are encouraging, and we need to see what God can do, I think the beauty is in the journey.
It’s not just in the snappy one liner and the “I used to be [fill in the blank] but now I’m [fill in the blank].”
It’s in the becoming.
It’s watching a life transform.
It’s being able to say, oh my gosh she was really messed up, remember? But, God is moving. He is healing. He is restoring.
I just can’t fake it til I make it. Some people can and that’s great.
This isn’t an advice column. Or a how to manual. It’s just me walking with God, sharing the hard stuff and the good stuff. And maybe laughing a little here and there.
Beauty isn’t about perfection. Or maybe it is…just not our perfection. It’s His. All beauty belongs to Him and comes from Him – and sometimes He lets it shine through us, in the better and the worse.
I just want to share life in this space. You’re welcome to join me and maybe feel less alone.
It might be messy sometimes. But that’s life. It just is. But we’ll get to the other side.