If you’ve known me for a while, you have probably figured out that Napoleon Dynamite is one of my all-time favorite movies. To be honest I hated it after the first time I watched it, because it seemed to have no plot, it’s slow, and never really goes anywhere. Except it does. It just took me watching it a second time, with low expectations, to appreciate it.

Now, it’s a subtly hilarious, oft-referenced and highly quotable movie. I don’t think a week goes by that I don’t say to one of my kids, “Eat the food, Tina!”

I recently shared that I’ve been going through a difficult few weeks season decade, in which I feel like I’m failing at most of my roles in life. I don’t want to rehash that, because it starts to feel drama queenish after a while, and I think you get it already, anyway.

I know I’m not alone in this. To prove I wasn’t alone I asked my female friends on Facebook whether they have regular, overwhelming, feelings that they are failing as a wife, mom or human. If my count is accurate, 36 of my friends admitted to experiencing this. And those were just the ones who saw the post and bothered to respond – I am confident that there are more. A couple of men piped up, too. Bravo to them.

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and prayer – what do we do when we feel this way? What if some of the things we feel are based in facts – we actually are letting people down? What does that mean? What can we do? Where do we go with that? How do we fight these feelings?

I have many thoughts going in different directions, which I’ll probably share over the next several weeks. None of it will be new and breakthrough information, because it’s wisdom as old as time. What may be new is that we actually apply it.

Today, I just have a short thought to share, and this will clarify why I opened with my love for Napoleon Dynamite.

Something I believe we lack, as an American culture, is a real value for community – for deep relationships. We are living our lives alone. We are typically raising our kids alone – moms sit inside their homes trying to figure out what to do, how to do it and just fly in survival mode. That becomes our autopilot.

People go to work and come back home alone. They go to church, sing some songs, shake some hands, and never divulge what’s happening in their hearts and lives.

Our social media stats may indicate that we have thousands of friends, but the reality might be that we are a mile wide and an inch deep in real relationships. Are we known and do we know others?

I firmly believe that we are made for community – we are a tribal species, by God’s design. And when we try to live outside of that, we suffer. Shame will make itself our faithful companion wherever there is a gap.

So, the life lesson we learn from Rex today is this:

This is not the total answer to our feelings of failure (which leads to shame), but I do believe it’s part of the root issue. If you are alone you are wide open for an assault from the enemy of your soul, who knows exactly where to hurt you. If you are surrounded by people, but nobody knows you are suffering, you might as well be alone. And shame thrives in loneliness.

One of the most basic things we can do is be open. No lone ranger living. Sometimes that’s complicated, but it’s a worthy goal and pursuit. If we are willing to be known, to make ourselves known, to ask for help, to offer help, we can be healed and we can help to heal others, as well. So,

NO MORE FLYING SOLO. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM.

We need each other. We also need to give ourselves a break sometimes.

I’m not okay all the time. I battle feelings of failure. I actually do fail. But, I also win sometimes. I excel in certain areas. I’m not defined by a bad moment, or even a bad decade. I’m more than my wins and losses – I’m hidden in Christ and that is Who defines me, on my best day and on my worst. He didn’t come to condemn me, but to save me and to help me.

The same is true for you.

 

 

 

Something happened this year that I didn’t expect: I entered a sort of empty nest phase, which came with its own kind of “syndrome.” 

The word, Syndrome, reminds me of the villain in The Incredibles, which is kind of appropriate because his whole problem was that he wanted to matter. Originally he wanted to be a hero, but when Mr. Incredible blew him off because he was a kid, he decided to become Mr. Incredible’s nemesis, instead.

His syndrome was an identity problem, a need to be important to somebody, somewhere.

I can relate.

My nest is not empty by any stretch of the imagination – we still have three kids at home, and Lord willing, at least one of them will be around for the next decade.

What changed this year is that our oldest went away to college and the youngest started full-day school. At first, it was good to be able to take a breather. I have had very little time to myself for the last ten years. I haven’t been able to use the bathroom without an audience, let alone set my own schedule based upon my own wants and needs.

I had sort of decided that I would give myself this first year to do nothing. I wouldn’t take on volunteer activities, or a job, or commit to anything, so I could just exist and rest. It’s been nice, for the most part.

However, what began to happen after months of doing nothing is that I started feeling really useless. I looked around and felt unsatisfied with my performance at the few things I am supposed to be doing. I’m a full-time homemaker, yet my home is not nowhere near perfect.

I try. I really do. I’ve never officially been diagnosed with ADD, but trust me, I meet all the criteria. I’m disorganized, easily distracted, can’t sit still and can’t deal with chaos. When I try to deal with the clutter in our house, my brain fries. I just stand there staring at it, not knowing what to do, or where to start, or where to put all the things.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been all gung-ho to take care of it, then walked away from it an hour later with a headache and nothing to show for my time. And if any of you think ADD is not an actual thing, don’t tell me, because then I’ll have to get in my car and drive to where you are and then I don’t know what, because I’d probably get distracted on the way and end up at a flea market or a Starbucks.

It’s not like it’s rocket science, but my brain won’t cooperate, so it might as well be.

All that to say I feel like I’m failing at the homemaker part of my job. I’m not leading my kids in matters of faith to my satisfaction, either. I don’t think it has to be “official,” in the sense of set apart devotional times, which are fine if that’s your bent, but I’m more of an as you go, laid back, person, which I think works pretty well with kids. Any time you can teach them something without them realizing it is a win.

I’ve had so much go on in the last few years that I’m not even sure how to approach the topic with them, to be honest. There’s a whole other post to write on that, so I won’t delve into it much here. We have good conversations now and then, but I’d like to be going deeper and share more of my own journey, so they have an idea of what it means to follow Jesus, even as imperfect people.

The point is that I’ve looked around and felt as though I’m not hitting the mark anywhere in my life – just generally feeling inept, incapable and without any skills. I have all this free time during the day and I’m spinning my wheels.

The good news is that no matter what I do, or don’t do, I’m still a valuable person. As a child of God, made in His image, I matter. That’s true.

At the same time, because I am made in His image, I’m made to create and to work and to get enjoyment from my labor. And that’s where things have gone off the rails.

I think it’s a pretty normal thing to experience when we have major life changes, such as kids leaving the home. We have to rediscover ourselves. I don’t imagine this has always been such a big problem, but the kind world we live in today has created the situation, so it is what it is.

My new mission is to both learn to be satisfied with myself as I am – to accept my weaknesses, and build on my strengths – and to explore the possibilities of life. I need to find creative outlets and ways to use the gifts I have, to serve others and to enjoy life.

I’d love to finish my undergraduate degree, and maybe pursue a masters in Christian Counseling. I want to learn to paint with oils and acrylics, become a better writer and say things that actually matter, buy a kayak and use it. There are some other fun opportunities stirring as well.

It’s really not fun to be in this funky place – of not knowing what to do with myself and feeling like my life doesn’t matter. And honestly, there’s more to it than simply a change in my situation. There are other heart issues that need attention and I’m doing what’s necessary to address those things. It seems like everything boiled up to the surface at the same time.

But, these difficulties can be catalysts for positive changes. Many times it takes a crisis to launch us into a new season of growth. In fact, that’s probably the case more often than not.

So, maybe I do have myself a Syndrome of some kind. I promise not to become an evil villain in order to feel better. Hopefully I’ll look back in a few years and see how this was a pivotal moment in my life.

And if you find yourself in a hard season, listen to what’s going on inside you. Don’t stuff the negative feelings – talk to God, talk to your friends and see if maybe something new is on the horizon. Just don’t hide it and allow it to fester. Expose it to the light and keep people in the loop. Let them speak truth to you. You’ll suffocate alone in the dark.

And then you might become an evil villain with crazy hair. And we can’t have that, now, can we?

 

 

 

Over the years I’ve had questions about God’s will for me and I’ve known people who struggled, wondering what God’s will was for their lives or in specific situations. It can be a real source of stress for people.

I really believe it would settle many people’s hearts to understand that, biblically speaking, God’s will for us has more to do with who we’re becoming than where we’re going or what we’re doing (character development).

We’re so “doing” focused, aren’t we?

The more we become like Him, and become who we are meant to be, the more we’ll do what we’re supposed to do.

The more we become the “right” people, the more we’ll be doing the right things – which, at the most basic level, is loving God and loving our neighbor, wherever we find ourselves in the world. 

I believe it can really be that simple. Focus on who you’re becoming and the rest will begin to fall into place. 

When I was little we went to church at Whitfield Memorial United Methodist in Montgomery, Alabama. I remember three things about Whitfield: the hexagonal pendant light fixtures that hung in perfect symmetry above the pews; The Candy Lady who sat in the same place every Sunday after service and handed out candy from her purse to all the kids; and a burning question that lingered in my 6 year old mind:

“Which one of the ushers gets to ride the elevator up to give God the money?!?!”

As far as I knew if we were giving offerings to God, somebody had to take it up to him every week. I wanted to know where the elevator was and how they decided which guy to send.

Luckyyyyy.

Obviously I eventually figured out that’s not the way it works. It was my simplistic way of thinking and believing as a child. Why couldn’t there be an elevator? Made sense to me.

I think there are a lot of things like that in Christian life. Most principles of faith are fairly simple and straightforward to understand – like the concept of giving offerings – but growing into them can be quite complex – like understanding why people say we’re giving to God but we don’t actually take him the money.

One of those things has to do with being a new creation. Does that mean we should expect instant results? If we are new should we be better than we are by now?

Something I’m reminded of recently is that I signed up to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, which means I’m a learner – an apprentice.

This implies training that takes place through relationship and over a period of time. It’s overly simplistic to believe that at the point of salvation my behavior will become perfect from then on.

Yet, this is how we live and treat one another sometimes. I’m hardest on myself, without question.

My struggles can’t resolve quickly enough. I become impatient with myself because my imperfections affect other people. Sometimes I hurt people unintentionally. 

I worry that I’ve messed my kids up beyond repair. I worry that I’ll never feel free. I worry that I’ll die without ever tapping into my potential. 

We spend the first part of our lives laying down tracks – ways of thinking, behaving and relating. Sometimes those are healthy, sometimes they’re not. It takes time to pull up the old and lay down new tracks going in the right direction.  

It’s sweet relief to remember once again that he is with me, patiently guiding me, teaching me, picking me back up and dusting me off and that he never loses the sparkle in his eye for me – even in times of correction, which are inevitable.

He remembers I’m made of dust.

He holds out his hand to me, saying,

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28‭-‬30 MSG

All I can do is stay close to him and ask forgiveness when I fail. If I’m faithful to do that, he will be faithful to complete his work in me.

Most change is not instant. This is not about making excuses for our sin – you know the difference between that and genuine repentance and sorrow over failure.

If you find yourself in that place, too – impatient with the process, because he expects perfection, after all – I hope you’ll be encouraged to keep going. 

Don’t give up. He will never leave you or forsake you.

It’s a process. It’s all a process – just keep looking forward and set your face in the right direction. You will be purified. You will be changed. You’ll get there. Eventually.

A few days ago, Caeley and I went to eat ramen in Westport. I love ramen so why would I settle for a fifteen cent bowl of it from Walmart when I can pay eight dollars for fancy ramen? Right? (It was good, FYI, and I’d totally go back for more.)

While there I went into the bathroom and the smell of Pine Sol blended with generic “old” hit me upside the head and took me straight back to one summer during the mid-80’s. It smelled like Harvest Temple and grape Kool-aid.

Both of my parents worked so I was going to a day camp at a church near our house for the summer. The smell of the bathroom took my mind back to that church – back to playing four square in the parking lot, a tornado warning we had one day, drinking Kool-aid and being chased by a cute boy wearing cutoff jean shorts. It’s astounding to me the way our senses get tied up with our memories.

The other thing that came back to me was something the lady in charge of the day camp told us one day. We must have had some sort of chapel or devotional thing as part of our daily activities, because what I remember most is that she told us – a bunch of kids! – that the world would end in the year 2000. Jesus was coming back and that was it. It was a fact.

She had it all figured out. I can’t remember whether I was freaked out or not. Probably not, because when you’re 9 years old in 1984, the year 2000 feels like forever away. It obviously didn’t impact me too deeply because by the year 2000 all I was aware of was the potential chaos of Y2K – another disaster that didn’t happen.

I understand now that she was probably a dispensationalist, pre-millennial, young earth, follower of the Millennial Day Theory, reading things like The Late Great Planet Earth, by Hal Lindsey. She was expecting a rapture of all believers to happen in 2000.

This is an error people have been making throughout history. Since Jesus ascended to heaven people have claimed various dates and times that the world will “end,” and they have been proven wrong. The Millennial Day Theory is still floating around out there and it continually gets modified when things keep not happening on schedule.

This thing should have ended in 1997, according to the theory. Some people said it was the year 2000. Now they’ve moved it to the year 2030, last I heard.

I recently read where one well known pastor says Jesus claimed to be “Lord of the Sabbath,” but He didn’t really mean the Sabbath day of the week. Of course not. He really meant that the Sabbath was the last 1,000 years of time and he wanted us to know He is Lord over that. The pastor was building a case for the aforementioned teaching that I received as a child – that the end of the age is now.

However, a simple and plain reading of all three times it’s told to us in the Gospels that Jesus is Lord of the Sabbath, makes it clear that He, indeed, meant the actual Sabbath. And the greater point Jesus was making was that the Pharisees were focused on the letter of the Law not the spirit of the Law. They were missing mercy in favor of rules. They were missing who Jesus was. It had nothing at all to do with time, the end of the age or a thousand year period.

I grew up hearing these kinds of things and I didn’t know any better than to just nod my head and believe it. Many of us did. But, I’m not a child anymore and the responsibility to learn and seek truth is on me now.

Many of my beliefs have changed, regarding eschatology, and I can tell you I don’t think I have everything figured out. There are a lot of voices out there claiming many different things, and that should give us pause.

If most of what we believe is coming from one pulpit, or from a collective of pulpits who all are saying the same things, we might need to branch out. They might be saying the same thing because it’s the truth, or it might be more of an echo chamber, where they sort of directly, or indirectly, agree to repeat the same things. But if you’re not reading the Bible yourself, you won’t know, will you?

If most of what we believe doesn’t come from our study of Scripture, or if we haven’t even tried to see if what we are hearing is Biblical at all, we might have a problem.

If my primary source of wisdom is a pastor who proof-texts and ignores context, I need to be careful. I think many teachers are banking on us not opening our Bibles to check what they’re saying, or maybe they don’t even realize what they’re doing, themselves. After all, only so much can be squeezed into a 25 minute sermon.

Often when one questions a teaching, she is told she just needs to get a revelation – the Word is living and active, after all. It can’t be locked down to just one interpretation, right?

Sometimes there are deeper meanings to what is being said in the Bible, but most things are straightforward (or they were at the time they were written). If a person wants to make a case for a particular belief, it can often be done without twisting things around. I never understand why people go that route. 
There are many ideas and agendas being pushed around, and one could probably find a Bible verse to back up any one of them. There are Bible promises being claimed left and right. There are ways of life being defended. There are products to sell and there’s money to be made off your fears – and your hopes, for that matter.

If we don’t do our part to discover what the whole counsel of Scripture says, we will believe anything.

Context must be king. We don’t allow people’s words to be misconstrued like that in any other area of life. There is no other book I can think of that is so sliced and diced. In our world a misquote could land you in a lawsuit, in some cases. At minimum it can cause a lot of pain or trouble.

I’ve always thought of it like this. If I was sitting in a restaurant with my daughter on her 16th birthday, I might say, “I’m buying you a new car!” (this wouldn’t actually happen, but let’s pretend). What if the person at the table next to me attempted to make a claim that I promised to buy her a new car? She tells everyone she knows that this wonderful lady from the restaurant said she was buying her a car.

When I say, “Wait, hold up, what?” She might say, “You said, and I quote, ‘I’m buying you a new car!'”

She would be right. I did say that, verbatim. BUT I WASN’T TALKING TO HER.

When the car doesn’t show up in her driveway she ought not be mad at me. Context matters.

I recently told some friends that I was taking a break from listening to most outside voices and theologians. 

I’ve grown tired of all the conflicting voices and trying to wade through it all. “Prophetic” voices on one side say all hell is about to break loose and they’ve had a vision, or a dream, which proves it. And they have some products to sell you. On the other side are the prophets saying all is well. Things are getting better. And they also have had a vision, which proves their side.

Still others have all our questions about God figured out. He’s a pacifist. He’s a God of just war. God gives us free will. There’s no such thing as free will. He always wants to heal people if you can muster up enough faith. He doesn’t ever intervene in our lives. He knows all things. He knows all things that are knowable. He is sovereign. He is sovereign but limited. Donald Trump is a gift from God. Donald Trump is a judgment on America.

See? It’s all a bit much.

I’m done with that for now. One danger is that we become distracted from the simplicity of the gospel, which is more than just that you’re awful and need saving. It’s that there is a new king – Jesus. He has begun establishing a kingdom, now, and we are to participate in bringing it to earth. Not by being in charge, but by laying our lives down, by teaching people how to follow in His steps, by demonstrating love and forgiveness, among other things.

We are his representatives, we carry His spirit, we are not slaves to death and fear. We are not to be looking to discern the exact timing of things, seeking some deeper Gnostic knowledge, but rather to be busy doing what we’re called and made to do – bear His image in increasing measure right where we are.

I just want to know HIM. The more I see who He is through the lens of Scripture, the more I love Him. What I keep discovering is that He is bigger and better than I thought.

I’m reading a book by Jen Wilkin, and she says it well:

The heart cannot love what the mind does not know.

Transformation comes by changing our minds, which in turn changes our hearts. That’s why it really matters what we put into our minds.

One of my practices for this year is to re-focus my attention away from various theologians and thinkers – which is really hard for me, because I love theology and have learned so much from others – and turn it to direct study of the Bible itself.

What does it say? Who does God reveal Himself to be? How do the pieces fit together? What did He actually say and what was the context?

Yeah, I’ll have to wade through Leviticus. And Revelation – which, by the way, was ultimately intended to give hope to the original readers, but has been used to scare the pants off people.

We have a great privilege in that we can own our own copies and read for ourselves. People died to make that possible. People risk their lives just to have a Bible in some parts of the world.

Every part of the Book matters.

It all weaves together into something beautiful that actually does make sense. 

And all of this rambling from a whiff of Pine Sol. Who knew?

 

 

 

 

I just wanted to offer some clarification as to why I wrote yesterday’s post on the women’s march and feminism, in general.

I was motivated by two factors, primarily.

First, as I sat in church Sunday morning I was distracted by some things I’d seen on social media and began writing some notes, which expanded and became that post.

I was thinking of the absurdity of women, expecting to be taken seriously, wearing ridiculous, or offensive, hats, costumes, clothing and demanding their rights. It seems so ridiculous for protesters (you name the cause and it happens) who claim to want to make positive change, to hurt their own cause by doing things that are lewd, violent, harmful and offensive – to make themselves a sideshow act.

I was sad that the organizers excluded pro-life women, furthering the already present divide (I wasn’t surprised, FYI, just sad at the state of things). I was angry that the message our culture is screaming is that sexual promiscuity is fine, even good and right, and that there are no consequences. There are always consequences and abortion doesn’t eliminate them, but rather, adds to it. I was angry that this is the ungodly, destructive, message my girls are being bombarded with day in and day out.

I was angry that women participate in their own exploitation – that we do it to each other, that we get caught up in comparison, competition and shaming. That we’ve allowed industry and advertising and pornography to dictate the standards. We buy all their products, we pay for surgery, we bust our butts (some of us, not me :), not to be healthy, but to be sexy.

I’ve birthed and nursed four babies. I brought life into the world and sustained it with my body, and I bear the marks. Why is that shameful? I’ve lived almost 42 years – I have laugh lines, scars and my skin is a little looser in places it used to be tight. I earned all of this, y’all. (I’m here reminded of one of my favorite episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond where Debra exclaims, “These weren’t for show, these were working breasts!“)

I’d love to be healthier and more physically fit, and I fight against wanting to do so to get my sexy back. I do. I’ve considered surgery. And then unconsidered and reconsidered again. I’m only human and I’d love to maintain my youthful appearance.

But there’s something more beautiful about a confident woman. One who knows her value because she belongs to a good God, who loves her, empowers her, died for her and lives for her. That’s the makeover I need most. That’s the makeover we all need.

Now to my second motivation: I was tired of seeing all the sarcastic and rude memes and comments from people, especially those who love and follow Jesus. And the way any woman who attended the marches was framed as pro-choice because the whole thing was about slaughtering babies.

For the organizers, it was very much about abortion, but for many women – the individuals who just showed up to march – it was a cry for decency, respect and a need to feel safe. They chose to use their Constitutional rights to make their voice heard, that an American President needs to represent all the people, in a respectful, honorable way, and we won’t tolerate the sort of lewd speech we’ve heard from him in the past. It wasn’t like he just made an occasional slip; it’s been a way of life.

I feel that we need to give people a little grace and beware of painting entire groups with a wide brush. We cannot simply dismiss people that way. If you follow Jesus and have read Scripture you know this. Those “evil” women at the march are exactly the kind of people Jesus would want to encounter to offer an invitation into Life. Degrading, calling them all fat and ugly, isn’t the way to do that.

Finally, I wanted to recognize that there is still progress to be made and give my view of Gospel feminism, or simply, a Biblical view of women, as I interpret it. I don’t like the word, “feminism,” at all because of what it represents, but to keep in context I used it.

Most of my post spoke in context of our “rights,” as Americans. However, I am not an American first – I am a follower of Jesus, and that changes my relationship to my American rights.

I am not an activist and wouldn’t likely ever show up to carry a sign. I don’t think that’s my calling. As I said in a comment to my post yesterday, I don’t think we are called to advocate for our own rights. There is no precedent in Scripture for a believer to do that.

We are told, however, to work on behalf of others: the poor, the needy, the widow, the orphan, etc, but we do it in practical ways. We do it by showing up and by serving.

We are told to lay our own lives down and set them aside for the greater good: loving God and loving others. So, we might well end up working for the well-being of women, but it will have context.

It is extremely difficult to maintain humility and demand that your own voice be heard. The two things don’t always easily go together.

Every book of the New Testament is written from the perspective of a person on the lowest rungs. It’s the view from the bottom. And from that low place, we see no attempts made to climb the ladder or to overthrow wicked leaders, even for the greater good.

We are taught how to live in the midst of difficulty and how to thrive and live in community with one another. We are taught how to pray and how to serve and live everyday life in the midst of persecution. We are taught about life filled with joy and peace. This tells me that it’s possible to have, no matter what.

So, I think American Christians find themselves in a gray area here. On the one hand we have our Constitution which grants us certain inalienable rights. On the other we have the example of Jesus, our Shepherd, who we follow. We have the Sermon on the Mount in our view, and nowhere does it say, “Blessed be the protester…”

Nor does it say, “Blessed be the patriot…or the nationalist…etc…” Our Christian entanglement with politics kind of makes me cringe. For example, this meme seems a bit much…a bit too much of an association between President Trump and Jesus for my taste.

I realize I’m liable to get a lot of flack for that last part, but we serve a different Kingdom, in our American context, and for me, it can seem complicated, at times. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else, but I don’t live in a fantasy world about the USA either. We aren’t a perfect nation, though I feel blessed to have been born here, rather than in a war-torn region like the Middle East.

All that to say, I certainly am not advocating for Christian Feminist activism, at large, but rather a kindness to ourselves and to one another. Ultimately, imitation of Christ and knowing Him is the goal, male or female.

I just had a lot on my mind the last couple of days and out it came. Each of us must do what the Spirit leads us to do, and I don’t claim to have all the answers.

Besides, who cares what I think? 😉

Thanks for reading, y’all.

I have not done an in-depth study of the history of American feminism, but one of the problems I have with what I know of second wave feminism, is that rather than call men up to a higher standard, it said, “Anything you can do I can do better,” not just in the workplace, but in the sexual arena.

It demanded the right for women to be promiscuous without the double standard that says it’s okay for men, but not for women. And I agree. There shouldn’t be a double standard.

How about this: it’s not okay for either one? How about we all behave decently, respectably and respectfully?

But no, the movement chose to become self-exploitative.

“I’ll exploit myself before you have a chance to. It’s my idea to be an object…now I feel powerful. I can wear what I want, do what I want, sleep with whomever I choose, when I choose, without shame or consequence.”

But yet, you’re still exploited. What sense does that make? And look where we are. Women are more objectified than ever, and we are participating, while complaining at the same time. Objectification of women is a billions-of-dollars-a-year industry.

You don’t get to put your body on display and use your sexuality as a weapon while at the same time asking men not to see you as a sexual object. It just doesn’t work.

And then there’s this hypocrisy, seen at the march: “I am more than just my body! I have a brain, I demand respect!” says the woman with a vagina hat on her head.

Just, no.

In addition, the exclusion of pro-life, pro-woman, women is hypocritical. That’s not very pro-choice is it? Perhaps there needs to come a separation between the pro-choice movement and the pro-woman movement?

It’s one thing to say you support the right of a woman in crisis to make the hard decision to end a pregnancy but to show up to an event wearing this, is despicable.

They’re showing all their cards.

I do not stand in solidarity with that brand of feminism. #notmyfeminism

HOWEVER…

Not every woman who marched in Washington or in cities around the globe was there because she wants the right to sexual freedom or to abortion on demand. That’s a caricature. Those were the most eye-popping, jaw dropping, parts of the story, no doubt, but it isn’t the whole story.

Come on, y’all. You’ve been saying for years that you can’t trust the media. So, why now do you decide they’re telling you the whole story?

Below the circus of it all, is a real cry. A real and legitimate need. Perhaps you should pay attention to what people are saying and feeling, even if you might end up disagreeing, in the final analysis? It will require you to drop your defenses, but it’s worth doing.

My Facebook news feed was covered with mocking memes and rude comments, that would seem to be right up President Trump’s alley (at least the old Donald – perhaps not the “new” Donald). Here’s an example:

Real nice. An Indiana senator even shared it. #klassy

I don’t pretend to know why each and every woman chose to march, but many marched simply to say to the incoming president, we will not tolerate the kind of speech, and behavior, we’ve heard from you in the past.

We are not objects. We are not here for your pleasure. We come in all shapes and sizes and colors, and no matter how much money and power you have, we are not to be exploited. No, you cannot grab us wherever and whenever you please.

And a man like that ought not be the leader of the free world. So, now that you are the leader of the free world, we expect you to repent. We expect you to do a 180 degree turn.

We need to hear that you are sorry. Truly sorry, so much so, that you will never do it again. You will never speak that way again. You will never grab, or claim to grab, a woman again. You will not chalk it up to locker room talk, as if that makes it okay. You have the responsibility to make women feel safe, not condone threatening behavior.

And for men who cannot comprehend this: more of us than you might imagine have been abused in one way or another. Many have been physically or sexually abused. We have been exploited. We have lost jobs because we wouldn’t comply with our employer’s sexual desires or demands. We have been humiliated because of our weight.

We’ve been held to ridiculous standards which no woman can reach without major surgery. The porn industry and Victoria’s Secret has told us how we should look and that’s what many women are competing with for their husband’s attention.

Advertising constantly tells us that we aren’t enough – we need to be more, do more, get more, look better, lose weight, gain weight, or whatever.

I’ve experienced it. I’ve felt pressured by the standards. I’ve worked for the man who humiliated me and made sexual advances toward me at a time when he knew money was tight for us. I’ve heard the disgusting comments and been touched without permission.

We are tired of it. We do not expect the President of the United States of America to feed the beast. We expect him to join us in slaying the beast, or at least shut up and stay off Twitter, and speak respectably, if he can’t do that.

The feminism (and I really don’t even like to use that word because of what I said in the beginning) I support is born out of my relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s born out of an understanding that we live in a fallen world, but in the beginning God planned for men and women to stand shoulder to shoulder and steward a good creation.

We are both equally made in the image of God, and as such, we have gifts of equal value to bring to creation. In the Kingdom of God there is no race and there is no gender – there is just all of us working together and serving one another in love. We are free to prefer one another without fear of being exploited, or that our own needs will go unmet.

I see a Jesus who elevated women far beyond what we can even grasp because, honestly, we have come a long way in America. We have equal rights today, so it’s hard to picture what things are like in places where true oppression still exists.

Women around the globe came out in support of their sisters, who are still oppressed.

There are parts of the world where women are still held as property.

Their beauty is feared, it’s a source of shame, so they’re covered from head to toe.

Women are victims of genital mutilation in order keep them under control.

They’re left to die as babies because they aren’t able to produce heirs to carry on the family name.

They’re sold in marriage when they are still children. They’re sold into sexual slavery. Western men spend thousands of dollars to travel across the globe just to take advantage of them, like they’re paper plates to be used and thrown away.

It’s disgusting. It’s wicked. It’s evil.

In some parts of the church women are still treated as property, as things to be seen and not heard. Parts of the Gospel, the Good News of the Kingdom of God, are used to silence them. Lack of understanding and a twisting of Scripture keeps many women in bondage.

No, my Jesus came to set us free to love and serve one another – to submit to one another, all of us. The whole church. Male and female. I lead with my strength and you lead with yours, in the home, and outside the home, where appropriate. I use my strength to serve you and you use yours to serve me and others. That’s the way it is supposed to work.

No person is silenced or squelched, regardless of gender.

The feminism I stand with doesn’t want to rule or dominate men. It respects men and it respects other women. It realizes that we all need each other and we need to work together to bring freedom where it does not currently exist. We need to use our freedom to be a voice for those who are silenced.

And, finally, I’d like to say that man-bashing has no place in my feminism. I know countless good, honorable men. The good ones far outweigh the bad, in my experience.

My husband is one of them. He loves and serves our family tirelessly and has loved me when I’ve been quite un-lovable. He makes me feel honored, valued and respected as a person, made in the image of God. We’ve had to fight through a lot to get here, but we’re here.

A feminism that brings division between men and women is not my feminism. We need each other. We need to be allies to one another, because that’s the Kingdom of God.

As I said in the beginning, I’m not a scholar. I didn’t take a class in women’s history in college. I can’t debate you or get into deep philosophical discussions. I might not have chosen the best, or right, wording here, as I just sat down and let loose on the keyboard.

BUT I know what I know and I’m tired of all the vitriolic stuff on Facebook. There are two sides to every issue and we can’t paint everything with a broad brush. Yes, America has come a long way. We are blessed just because we live here. That doesn’t guarantee everyone will have smooth sailing and it doesn’t mean there isn’t more work to do.

I pray that Donald Trump really is successful. I hope he is. I hope he turns out to be the best, wisest, president we’ve seen since Abraham Lincoln. I’m open-minded and willing to give him a chance.

But, I support the right of women to call him to account. That’s the job of the people.

And, finally, women, please – stop exploiting yourselves in the name of freedom. You’re hurting yourself and your own cause for future generations. I have two girls to send out into the world, and the last thing I want is for them to have total sexual freedom, lack of restraint and a backup plan to take care of the consequences.

That’s not freedom at all. It’s bondage.

And take off that stupid hat. Gah.

It’s not my habit to make resolutions or choose a focus at the beginning of the new year, though I have done it before. 

However, this year I am. My goal for 2017 is to strengthen myself both physically and spiritually. 

I’ll be having a much needed surgery to repair a hernia that’s kept me from working out for the last 6 years. 

Once that’s out of the way I hope to begin some kind of exercise/workout program. At nearly 42 years old, it’s time to get busy – it will only get more difficult with age.  

I’m already changing the way I eat. I’ve grown slack in that department and it’s foolish because I know better. I know what’s healthy, what’s not, what makes me function at my highest and best capacity and what doesn’t. 

In addition I’ve felt challenged by the Lord to change my spiritual habits – I have a very specific plan for that. I’ll do more of some things and less of others and it won’t be easy for me. BUT strength only comes by way of resistance. 

It’s the repetitive pushing back against the weight that builds muscle, physically, and the same is true spiritually and emotionally. We have to push back against our desires, or fears, or appetites, that are contrary to what’s good for us.

In a paradoxical way it’s embracing the weakness we feel when we deprive ourselves of the crutches we use to avoid feelings of vulnerability, that allows God’s strength to manifest itself in us. It’s in our weakness that He is strong. 

I’m really looking forward to this year and, honestly, am going into it without expectations of any particular results. I’ll file that in the wait and see category.

I just know that I need change to happen in my body and in my heart, for my own good, for the good of others and for the glory of God in my own life.